Here I Come To Save The Day!

Last Saturday we had to make a quick, unscheduled trip to Asheville. The last time I made that trip I was by myself, and it was snowing. I saw a truck spin out in front of me just above Commerce, GA, and by the time I hit Rabun Gap, I was in four-wheel-drive. This time, Kathy was with me, which explains why, despite the fact that the weather was lovely and I never had to slow down to go into four-wheel-drive, it still took longer than my “Nanook of the North” trip.

We traveled up on Saturday afternoon, and were back home in Georgia by Sunday afternoon. I did all the driving, and the truth of the matter is that the trip was made tougher by the fact that we were not making good time. “Thou shalt make good time” is my 11th commandment. At any rate, we finally returned home, and I decided to reward myself with my favorite in-between-meals snack of a fresh, unopened box of Cheez-Its. Like a good addict, I always keep one in the pantry. When I grabbed the box, I saw the unevenly-edged hole in the top of the box.

We have a mouse, and the little varmint is eating my Cheez-Its! This means war!

We live within the city limits of Madison, but Madison is not a booming metropolis. You may recall seeing the photos of our late dog Ronnie with the cows that graze in the pasture behind our house, a pasture that is also within the city limits of Madison. Recently I read that the population density in either New York City, or in the borough of Manhattan (I can’t remember which it was, sorry), is something like 26,000 people per square mile. As of the 2019 census update, our entire county doesn’t have 26,000 people. In fact, we don’t yet have 20,000 people. So it is not surprising that we occasionally meet up with creatures a bit further down the evolutionary chain.

I am, as a general rule, pretty tolerant of wildlife. On the first day that I moved into this house, a fairly large black snake wandered through the backyard, and I had to restrain Ronnie from chasing the creature. One still lives under the steps to our back deck. Harry, the lizard on the television show Death In Paradise, would not be lonely at all were he to move to our house. I haven’t given them names, but there are several. Every now and again, one makes it into the house, and we have to jump through hoops to get it out of the house without injury. About three weeks ago, after mowing the weeds in my yard, I stripped down to enjoy a refreshing shower when I noticed a young snake stretched out along the baseboard next to the shower in the master bathroom. With some difficulty I moved it onto the blade of a round - point shovel, took it out the front door, and released it into the yard.

So you see, when it comes to wildlife, I’m a live-and-let-live guy. But this mouse is eating my Cheez-Its, and that crosses the line.

I bought six large glue boards from Lowes, placed a dollop of peanut butter in the center of the boards, and scattered them throughout the house, including my office. About 15 minutes later, when I returned to my office, I noticed that the peanut butter was gone. I reloaded the trap, and a bit later, the peanut butter was gone. It dawned on me that Lucy, the 90-pound puppy, who loves peanut butter, was making life difficult for me.

A bit later, I opened the pantry door, and there he was: a tiny little thing, probably not even two inches long. I couldn’t get to him (I’m not going to reach in and grab anything that has teeth), but I made lots of noise and watched him scurry off.

You know that little warming compartment under the oven, the drawer where you store all your cookie sheets and whatnot? I cleaned that out, and placed a glue board there. When I opened the drawer to check on it, I was astounded: the peanut butter was gone, and there were little bitty mouse footprints on the board. This little creature had traversed the glue, eaten the peanut butter, and gone back. It must have been a mighty struggle. From this point on, the mouse had a name: Mighty Mouse.

Finally – FINALLY – one of the glue boards worked. I opened the pantry, and there he was, struggling to get his two hind feet off the glue board. His front two feet were clear of the board, and his two back feet were close to being free of the sticky mess. It was time to act. I grabbed the board, and started to peel off a kitchen garbage bag. It was trash day, and the board and mouse were going into the bag, and subsequently into the trash can. You may think that cruel, but this is the mouse that ate my Cheez-Its.

I was out the kitchen door, out of the garage, and heading down the drive to the trash can when Kathy called out to me. She is a sensitive soul, and she was imploring me to release the mouse in the wild. Why, I asked, so that he can return and eat my Cheez-Its? While we were having this conversation, Mighty Mouse, finally pulled free of the glue board, and found himself sticking to the outside of the plastic trash bag. (Thanks to Kathy’s intervention, I hadn’t quite put the board in the bag.) But he didn’t stick there for very long. With a great heave-ho, he pulled free of the trash bag, dropped to the driveway, and promptly RAN BACK INTO THE GARAGE!

We were of two minds. Kathy figured he had his fill of our household, and would run away. I figured he would stick around. If I were a mouse, living in a house with Cheez-Its, I would stick around. We kept the garage door open for awhile, just so he could leave if he wished.

The next morning, we found mouse droppings – larger mouse droppings. Either Mighty Mouse is truly mighty, or he has a partner. I supplemented the glue boards with good, old-fashioned Victor Model M032 wooden mousetraps baited with cheese. And today, at 6:01 AM, Mighty Mouse’s partner met his maker.

I’ve always heard the quote “Build a better mousetrap, and the world will beat a path to your door.” There is no better mousetrap than the good, old-fashioned wooden ones with kill bars.

And now, two recorded treats. The first is the original theme song from Mighty Mouse (1958), performed by the Mitch Miller Orchestra (remember “Sing Along With Mitch”?) with vocals by The Terrytooners; and the second is the comic genius, Andy Kaufman, doing the Mighty Mouse Theme Song on Saturday Night Live. This is one of the two funniest skits ever on SNL, the other being Bob and Ray singing “If you want my body and you think I’m sexy, come on, Sugar, tell me so.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJvM8eYcpL0

https://vimeo.com/groups/326115/videos/141371878

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JASON!